As a best man, you’re expected to deliver a speech that’s not too long, interesting and funny. Your speech should contain some jokes that will leave the guests smiling from ear to ear. However, it’s best to only make jokes about the groom, the occasion, or anything else but the bride. With that in mind, here is a list of some of the best jokes for best man speech.

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and gatecrashers. First of all, I’d like to thank all of you for coming to the wedding of Mark and Alice here today, and don’t forget that marriage is a sentence rather than a word, in fact, a life sentence.

Now, I would just like to begin by laying down two rules. First, no heckling please. Secondly, if you have a cell phone please switch it off and keep yourselves entertained.  Please, keep your expectations low and your spirits high and I think we will all be happy.

My speech today is like a mini-skirt. It will be short enough to catch your attention but long enough to cover up the essentials.

I have known Mark for a very long time and everyone considers me as his father figure. I’ve cleaned up his mess, watched him sip from a bottle and crawl on his knees but enough about that Bachelor Party.

As they say, “marriage is for better or worse”. I find this quite fitting as I am sure Mark couldn’t have done better and Alice certainly couldn’t have done any worse.

To be honest, in all the years of our friendship, no one has ever questioned Mark’s intelligence, to be brutally honest I’ve never heard anybody even mention intelligence on Mark’s part.

As I’m not used to public speaking, I have been rather tense before today’s speeches, but Geoff was good to me and pulled me aside to calm me down. He told me if I did really well and laid him off, I could be his best man again next time.

It’s perfectly alright to be the best man in a wedding, but the problem is that I’ll never get the chance to prove it.

I would just like to add, Mark, you’re a lucky man-you have married Alice, who is beautiful, smart, warm, funny, loving and caring that she deserves a good man. So you’re lucky you’ve married her before she could find one.

I strongly believe that marriage’s a great thing for Mark. It’ll teach him loyalty, control and self-restraint. It will also teach him fair play, responsibility and many more qualities he would not need if he’d just remained single.

In the lead up to today Mark and Alice were having a problem with the seating arrangement. Who would comfortably sit in here and who would stand during speeches so we chose to use the wedding presents list. Those who brought the biggest presents would sit at the front and we’d work it out from there.  So I hope those at the back can hear me loud and clear when I say thank you so much on behalf of Mark and Alice for the teaspoons.

Ladies and gentleman, Mark asked me to delete any distasteful material from this speech.  Thank you so much and may you have a wonderful evening.

Now, I read somewhere that the Best Man’s speech shouldn’t be longer than the time it takes the bridegroom to make love. Therefore, on that note I don’t want to disappoint you, ladies and gentlemen. I’d like to ask all of you to join me in raising a glass as we toast to Mr. and Mrs. Mark Williams.

Many of these jokes for best man speech are brief one-liners which are much safer to use since long winding jokes usually aren’t well-received. Don’t forget that the best morale-booster for anyone making a best man’s speech is the peals of joy and laughter coming from the guests.

What do you think? Do you have any jokes of your own that you’d like to share?? Leave them in the comments below.